Grace

Grace. It's a word we hear often. In fact, I attend an institution that is so named. And at Grace, we often use our name as a joke in class: "I fell asleep trying to finish all the reading for today's class. Can't you show me a little grace, professor?"

But what does that actually mean? Several times throughout my life, I've pondered the meaning and the deeper meanings of grace. I've memorized verses and definitions (and quickly forgotten them), I've been through various Bible studies, and I've had several "Eureka!" moments when all was made clear to me, like a veil being lifted from my eyes.

I have been wrong on every occasion.

Recently, I began reading (again) The Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning (this time, I hope to get farther than the 2nd chapter). In the very first chapter, Manning begins to discuss this abstract and elusive concept of grace. Here are a few lines:

"Though the Scriptures insist on God's initiative in the work of salvation-that by grace we are saved, that the Tremendous Lover has taken to the chase-our spirituality often starts with self, not God. Personal responsibility has replaced personal response."

"Though lip service is paid to the gospel of grace, many Christians live as if only personal discipline and self denial will mold the perfect me. The emphasis is on what I do rather than on what God is doing."

"Our huffing and puffing to impress God, our scrambling for brownie points, our thrashing about trying to fix ourselves while hiding our pettiness and wallowing in guilt are nauseating to God and are a flat denial of the gospel of grace."

I cannot count the number of times I have thought that if I just fix a few of my many flaws, then God will be ready to use me, then I will be ready to minister to the people of God. If only I start reading my Bible more, praying more, serving more, then I will be good enough to worship God with a clean conscience. I have spent much of my relationship with God focussing on what I'm doing rather than on what God is doing. Why am I always trying to "work on" things? Where in the Bible does it say "God wants you to make a spiritual checklist of goals and habits He would like you to accomplish in the next 5 years"? How did this become ingrained into my mind and my spirituality?

Even as I am coming to this realization that my relationship with God is not about what I'm doing, my mind is straining to wrap itself around this concept. It is so foreign to me. Especially having grown up in this American culture that is all about working hard to make the most out of your situation and opportunities. I am struggling so hard to just let God do the work. Which is so silly when you think about it, because for Him, these things that I feel are so impossible are just small details. It is uncomfortable to think about doing nothing in my relationship with God. Shouldn't I be doing something? Anything, it's the least I can do in light of the salvation that He's given me. But that's not grace. Grace isn't about earning achievements. The thing that makes grace grace is that it requires nothing from the recipient. It is totally undeserved and given for no reason at all.

So what does this mean for my life, my ministry, my relationship with my God?

It means, I do nothing, and God does everything.

Doesn't that just sound wrong? It almost makes me cringe.

But that's grace.

Obviously, this is a concept I am going to struggle to understand for a very very long time. (Probably the rest of my life.) But that's okay. It's okay to wrestle with the great things of God.

Eros, Phileo, Agape?

Lately I've been noticing a trend to make very vague "love is" statements.

"Love is here."

"Love is now."

"Love is everything."

What does that even mean???

Really? Love is everything? So if I decided to pick up your cell phone and throw it in the street, that's love? If I let someone steal your book bag, that's love?

It is way too easy to take these statements and distort them to mean whatever you want. Maybe one of the reasons United States culture is so messed up is because we don't know what love is, and we're willing to let a tshirt define it for us.

"You're so cynical."

If cynicism means questioning a tshirt, then sign me up. I'm sorry everyone else seems to think that we should just accept everyone's definition of love blindly, but I hold love in very sacred regards. And something that is so precious should not be cheapened by fluid and flimsy statements.

What is love?

According to Merriam-Webster's online dictionary: unselfish, loyal, and benevolent concern for the good of another.

"Love...bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."

"For love is as strong as death."

"Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown in."

"Perfect love casts out fear."

Love is a sacrifice. Love is a gift. Love is a verb. Love is many things, but there are also many things that love is not. Let us continue to hold love in a sacred regard, and protect it from society's attempts to turn it into something it is not.

Who is your Jesus?

"I often wonder if God recognizes his own son the way we've dressed him up, or is it dressed him down? He's a regular peppermint stick now, all sugar-crystal and saccharine when he isn't making veiled references to certain commercial products that every worshipper absolutely needs." - Faber, Fahrenheit 451, Ray Bradbury

Who is your Jesus?

Have you ever gone to church and seen a portrait of Jesus on the wall? What does he look like? He usually has shoulder length, straight brown hair, a well groomed beard, and blue eyes. His hands are clasped in prayer and he is looking heavenward, a peaceful, almost sad expression on his face.

Do you think Jesus or his disciples commissioned an artist to paint that portrait?

"Jesus, we'd like to remember you when you're gone. Pose for a portrait for us."

Somehow I think Jesus had more important things on his mind. And though we know perfectly well that Jesus was not an anglo man with a British accent, how often does that image stick in our heads? How many times do we picture Jesus as a slow-moving, calm guy with a gentle voice and manicured nails? This 1960s, middle class American image of Jesus has permeated our church buildings, Sunday school curriculums, and novelty gifts for decades. But is this how you want to think of Jesus?

Who is your Jesus?

I have a hard time believing that Jesus was calm and quiet at all times. I have a hard time believing he only chuckled, only strolled along, only lived in a meek and quiet manner.

Who is your Jesus?

I think that Jesus was a man, like any other man. He probably laughed until tears streamed down his face and his cheeks hurt from smiling for so long. He probably had favorite foods, favorite things to do, favorite places, favorite smells, favorite songs. He probably felt the depth of his friends' pain, wept with them, talked with them, or just sat with them. He was a man, like any other man.

Who is your Jesus?

But my Jesus is also God. And though he gave up his divine glory to become a man, he was still God. And that God was one of infinite power and wisdom, who could calm the raging seas with one word, whose very voice spoke the world into existence, who could command plants to live or die, who could bring the dead to life with the very notion of his will. He's the God who holds the planets in motion and at the same time comes down to my level and cradles me like a child. And though these are two very different ideas, I know that my Jesus is both of these things and so much more all at once. He is big enough to do all these things that my mind can barely even begin to grasp. This is Christ:

"Now I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes were like a flame of fore, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. He was clothed in a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. " Revelation 19:11-13

"who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross."
Phillipians 2:6-8

This is my Jesus. All of these things and so much more.

Who is your Jesus?

Apologies...among other things.

So, there's no easy way of getting around this:

Dear blog, I'm sorry I've neglected you so. I thought I would consistently be full of profound thoughts worthy of sharing with my devoted readers (my boyfriend and one other friend....my mom doesn't even read my blog, how lame is that?) but alas, I am inconsistent, much like the talent on American Idol. But perhaps we can start anew. With your forgiveness of course.
Love,
Sarah

Now that we've moved on from that messy business, let's talk about something else.

Beth Moore Bible Studies.

She's got about a bajillion. I didn't even think it was possible. And apparently, if you slap her name on something, it magically becomes legit. Now, I'm not saying that she's not. She's full of great stuff, but most of it is geared towards moms between the ages of 30 and 50. So why do her Bible studies pop up on the regular at my Bible college?

I usually see a flyer posted on the ladies' room mirror that says something along the lines of, "learn what it means to be a woman of joy" or "learn how to be a woman of guidance" ect. I'm 22. I can barely take care of my beta fish. The least of my concerns is being a woman of guidance. And I'm willing to bet that the other young women in the dorms are struggling to take care of their beta fish as well.

Basically, what I'm saying is that there is a plethora of Bible studies written by women (not just Beth Moore) who are in their late 30's and up, who have no idea what life is like for the young woman between the ages of 13 and 25 living in the year 2010. Life is different now. Sure, we have the same epic struggles that all women go through: fear of being alone forever, not being pretty enough, and being trapped by our insecurities. But the only advice we get is things like, "guard your heart" and "trust Jesus to bring the right man into your life at the right time".

How? How am I supposed to do that?

Does anyone else feel this way?